Tuesday, 31 May 2011

nb "Collingwood"........

Those of you who visit my wibblings via James and Amy's superlative "Lucky Duck" blog will already be cogniscent of their doings on the BCN Challenge.

Those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, please have a look at Lucky Duck's blog and then return.......

Ah, nb "Collingwood"............

This is the vessel upon which the fourteen year old John cut his narrowboating teeth.

Spirit yourselves back to 1978.......

Miss Harvey, (English dept), Miss Street (Geog.) and Mr Brooker (French) decided it would be a very good educational experience for an assortment of the Intermediate Year at Ferndown Upper School to go on a canal boat holiday.

I signed up immediately, along with my pals 'Dishy' David Freeman, and David "I'm from Rhodesia' Attrill.

So there you have it, (or not......).

Quite a few pubescent males aboard nb "Collingwood", all the lovelies, ( Jane, Sandra, Elisabeth, Nicola, Jane (another...) on the butty "Ash".

Well, what can I say?

We did the Warwickshire Ring, including Hatton Flight, in one week.

Dishy Dave got off with Sandra, me and David from Rhodesia got laughed at a lot and did a fair amount of sighing....

Happy days................

Thursday, 26 May 2011

The Wanderer Returns.........

Yes, Thomas Cat is back.

He's been away for four days.

This is quite enough.

He is confined to barracks for the foreseeable future, or at least until Jackie gets back from London and has fussed him lots.......

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Thomas is missing.

There's much to report since last I spoke, but our minds have been very much pre-occupied with the Absence Without Leave of the titular moggie.

He was last seen aboard Rhoda's boat on Sunday night at about six p.m. Neither hide nor hair nor evidence of food being eaten since.

This is most unusual for Tom.

It is normally possible, if not exactly to set one's watch, then at least glean a fairly accurate estimate of the time by his comings and goings.

So where is the little beggar?

If only I knew......

At least the weather is warm and the nights are short. (Last time he went missing there was snow and ice and seriously bad winter weather.)

Indeed, the clement weather and long hours of daylight may be all the explanation necessary for his absence.

I just wish he'd call home for a quick snack and to let us know he's okay..........

Thursday, 12 May 2011

An Accidental Elevation......

In my previous post, I said Pam was vicar of Waterbeach and Landbeach.

She's not!

Lucy is.

Pam is an Associate Priest.

I expect if I actually went to church a bit more often, I would have cottoned on to this.......

Apologies to Lucy, the actual vicar, and to Pam for her accidental elevation.....

(Though I have to say "taking tea with the associate priest' doesn't have quite the same ring.............)

Tuesday, 10 May 2011

New neighbours!

It's all been happening on the Parish for the last couple of weeks.

First, Rob and Julie on nb Friendly Fox arrived from Cambridge. They are a lovely couple and we look forward to getting to know them better over some drinks/suppers aboard Pippin.

(Actually, Rob and I have already made a pretty good start, at least as far as the drinks part is concerned....)

Yesterday, Jude arrived aboard a 70'ft narrowboat with a beautiful Celtic name that I was told but cannot remember or, if I could, hope to spell correctly.......(it isn't yet sign-written on the boat).

Jude was accompanied by some chums from Cambridge (to whom I was introduced, but sadly my sieve-like brain has not retained their names. I do know they live aboard nb Casper in Cambridge and have a beautifully well-behaved little boy called Joe......)

Jude is an apiarist, which was great news for Jackie, who is keen to learn all about bee-keeping. Jude's hive will arrive at The Parish soon.

I was delighted to hear that the hive will be transported by Morris Minor Traveller.

My first car was a 1955 two-door saloon.

I owned three others and rebuilt one more in the eighties.

I have a feeling we are all going to get on quite well........

Monday, 9 May 2011

The vicar of The Parish

I refer to our mooring as "The Parish". This is to preserve our privacy, security and generally to help smudge our exact location on the map of North Cambridge. (This may seem a tad paranoid to you, but there are some internet savvy thorough-going nutters out there.....).

Anyway, I must forestall further digression by returning to our titular priest.

We have a vicar.

Her name is Pam, and she is the vicar of Waterbeach and Landbeach.

Though she and her lovely husband Trevor live in a house, they also own a beautiful boat called "Sunflower", which moors a mile or so downstream of us.

Like her owners, "Sunflower" is a bit special. She's got an electric motor, some serious traction batteries, a massive solar array, and a back-up genny that kicks in on a long cruise if the amps in the traction bank drop too low.

(Yes, I have introduced them to The Ducks: James was with child to see the inside of the engine room.....)

Now, one normally takes tea with vicars.

However, normalcy aboard Pippin is somewhat different to the rest of the world.

We take Prosecco with the vicar, and I'm very happy to say she and Trevor take Prosecco with us!

We were quietly gettin stuck in to a bottle aboard "Sunflower" the Sunday before last, when Pam mentioned a letter Archbishop Rowan had written in reply to a six year old girl who had sent him a letter demanding 'God: the answers......'

I reproduce it here with some some trepidation: this is not, after all, a 'preachy' blog. I would also like to make it clear that I respect all faiths and no faith: but this letter is pretty much where I lay my spiritual hat.

Here it is:

"There’s a charming article in today’s Times by Alex Renton, a non-believer who sends his six-year-old daughter Lulu to a Scottish church primary school. Her teachers asked her to write the following letter: “To God, How did you get invented?” The Rentons were taken aback: “We had no idea that a state primary affiliated with a church would do quite so much God,” says her father. He could have told Lulu that, in his opinion, there was no God; or he could have pretended that he was a believer. He chose to do neither, instead emailing her letter to the Scottish Episcopal Church (no reply), the Presbyterians (ditto) and the Scottish Catholics (a nice but theologically complex answer). For good measure, he also sent it to “the head of theology of the Anglican Communion, based at Lambeth Palace” – and this was the response:

Dear Lulu,

Your dad has sent on your letter and asked if I have any answers.

It’s a difficult one!

But I think God might reply a bit like this –

‘Dear Lulu

Nobody invented me, but lots of people discovered me and were quite surprised.

They discovered me when they looked round at the world and thought it was really beautiful or really mysterious and wondered where it came from.

They discovered me when they were very very quiet on their own and felt a sort of peace and love they hadn’t expected.

Then they invented ideas about me – some of them sensible and some of them not very sensible.

From time to time I sent them some hints – specially in the life of Jesus – to help them get closer to what I’m really like.

But there was nothing and nobody around before me to invent me. Rather like somebody who writes a story in a book, I started making up the story of the world and eventually invented human beings like you who could ask me awkward questions!’

And then he’d send you lots of love and sign off.

I know he doesn’t usually write letters, so I have to do the best I can on his behalf.

Lots of love from me too.

Archbishop Rowan

Sunday, 8 May 2011

My Dad just emailled me this............

and it's so good it has to be shared!

(Archie, look away now, some of it's a bit rude and the stuff we wanted you to see is in the previous post)

Dear Mr. Cameron,

Please find below our suggestion for fixing England's economy.

Instead of giving billions of pounds to banks that will squander the money on lavish parties and unearned bonuses, use the following plan.

You can call it the Patriotic Retirement Plan:

There are about 10 million people over 50 in the work force.

Pay them £1 million each severance for early retirement with the following stipulations:

1) They MUST retire.

Ten million job openings - unemployment fixed

2) They MUST buy a new British car.

Ten million cars ordered - Car Industry fixed

3) They MUST either buy a house or pay off their mortgage -

Housing Crisis fixed

4) They MUST send their kids to school/college/university -

Crime rate fixed

5) They MUST buy £100 WORTH of alcohol/tobacco a week ......

and there's your money back in duty/tax etc

6) Instead of stuffing around with the carbon emissions trading scheme that makes us pay for the major polluters, tell the greedy bastards to reduce their pollution emissions by 75% within 5 years or we shut them down.

It can't get any easier than that!

P.S. If more money is needed, have all members of parliament pay back their falsely claimed expenses and second home allowances

If you think this would work, please forward to everyone you know.

If not, please disregard.

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Grumpies of the World Unite Part 2.

Let's put the pensioners in jail and the criminals in a nursing home.

This way the pensioners would have access to showers, hobbies and walks.

They'd receive unlimited free prescriptions, dental and medical treatment, wheel chairs etc and they'd receive money instead of paying it out.

They would have constant video monitoring, so they could be helped instantly, if they fell, or needed assistance.

Bedding would be washed twice a week, and all clothing would be ironed and returned to them.

A guard would check on them every 20 minutes and bring their meals and snacks to their cell.

They would have family visits in a suite built for that purpose.

They would have access to a library, weight room, spiritual counselling, pool and education.

Simple clothing, shoes, slippers, PJ's and legal aid would be free, on request.

Private, secure rooms for all, with an exercise outdoor yard, with gardens.

Each senior could have a PC a TV radio and daily phone calls.

There would be a board of directors to hear complaints, and the guards would have a code of conduct that would be strictly adhered to.

The criminals would get cold food, be left all alone and unsupervised. Lights off at 8pm, and showers once a week. Live in a tiny room and pay £600.00 per week and have no hope of ever getting out.

Think about this (more points of contention):

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COWS

Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that during the mad cow epidemic our government could track a single cow, born in Appleby almost three years ago, right to the stall where she slept in the county of Cumbria?

And, they even tracked her calves to their stalls.. But they are unable to locate 125,000 illegal immigrants wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.

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The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a courthouse or Parliament, is this -

You cannot post 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery' and 'Thou Shall Not Lie' in a building full of lawyers, judges and politicians..... It creates a hostile work environment.

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If you don't want to forward this for fear of offending someone -- YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM! It is time for us grumpy old folk of Britain to speak up!



Way to go Dad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

xx