A question posed........

This question came to me in the long dark watches of last night. (I woke up at three and had the very Dickens of a job getting back to sleep...)

What is the correct anatomical term for the funny-bone?

You know, the one in the elbow that tingles like billy-oh if inadvertantly bashed, leaving you uncertain whether to laugh or wince.....?

I only ask because, if the sense of smell resides in the nose, sight in the eyes, hearing in the ears and touch in the tips of your fingers, then the funny-bone is, obviously, where the sense of humour resides.

I also ask because James told me another Higgs Boson joke. (He and Amy dropped by for some supper the other night on the way back to Lucky Duck from Christmas visiting).

' " Two pints of lager and a packet of pork scratchings, please."

A Higgs boson particle walks into a bar.'

Hmmmmmm.............Perhaps you had to be there, really....

But then again, always handy to know in case you bump into any particle physicists at tonight's celebrations.

I'll bet they'll nearly have an accident.......

Christmas Crackers.....

Don't worry, this is not a post concerning any problems I may have had obtaining my medication over the holidays, and the likely up-shot thereof......

No, it's just a feeble excuse to pass on a couple of Christmas-cracker style jokes, to whit:

'The Archbishop sees a Higgs boson particle zooming down the nave of Canterbury Cathedral.

"Oi!!", says the Archbish, "You can't come in here!"

"But Rowan", says the particle, "Without me, you can't have Mass......."

Boom-tish.

Following the recent announcement of the bankruptcy and forthcoming closure of Blacks, camping, hiking and outdoor pursuits specialists, the following slogan appeared in the window of one of their branches:

"Now is the winter of our discount tents........."

While I cannot make any claim of authorship, (or, indeed, exhibit any willingness to share the blame......),I thought my readers might enjoy them.

And on that note, may I wish all three of you a Very Happy New Year!!!

Wibblings...

'To wibble' is a verb aboard the good ship Pippin.

It's a regular verb, so (apart from the now rarely used 'thou wibble-eth'), it has common currency both in this blog and aboard the boat and in the life which it purports to be about.

To wibble is to talk nonsense, either as a result of over-tiredness, over-indulgence in [fill in alcoholic beverage of choice here], or just for the joy of trying to catch hold of the smoke of passing whimsy and share it with others.

I wibble a lot.

You may have noticed this..........

Wibbling is soft. It should never offend, for it is playful.

It's heart is good.

So of what should I wibble this night?

Of a kitten-cat called China who flows from my hands like an upturned pail of water?

Of the wind turbine and it's song of many keys this breezy night?

Or the gurgle and slap of the wind-wrought white-caps against Pippin's flanks?

The white fragments of the waning moon on the river's face?

The ticking of the woodburner as the embers glow......

It is a most beautiful evening here.

I hope the verbal scribble has helped me share it with you......

A glimpse of The Snark!!!

A quick post, this, just before I dash off for a late shift at The Hole Making Shop.

I've just heard on the wireless that scientists at The Large Hadron Collider may have had a glimpse of Mr Higg's Remarkably Elusive Boson! (See previous posts).

Now, I don't like doing biblical quotes: you can so easily come across as having your head stuck so far up your own fundamentalism as to not see Christmas coming with all the fairy lights on.......

But the report did bring to mind the bit about 'that which we see through a glass darkly.....'

Such are glimpses of God.

And so, it would seem, are those of The God Particle.......

Strike action leads to a dodgy haircut.......

Not an obvious link, I'll admit, but bear with me on this one.......

(And no, I haven't been tarred and feathered by angry colleagues for being a scab....)

Yesterday, I had my weekday day-off from The Hole-Making Shop. I had lots of jobs to do, including a somewhat overdue visit to the barber's....

Which is where the otherwise seamless robe of the day began to unravel...........

Yes.

I'd got the firewood in, taken the recycling to the tip, (scored a valve lapping tool and a pot of fine and a pot of coarse valve-grinding paste for 50p), taken a load of stuff to Emmaus for our landlord, and got some milk, bread and stuff for lunch from The Scilly Isles Supermarket.

Then I visited the barbers in Milton.

It all began convivially enough.

"Mornin' Sir, how are you, what can I do for you today?"

"Well, thank you, bit of a trim, please, nothing too drastic, just get rid of the fluff."

"Certainly sir".....snip snip snip....

All seemed to be going quietly and well for the first few minutes.

Then Mr Todd (not his real name....) seeks to engage me in conversation.....

"So what are you up to today?"

"Well, I'm on a day off, as I do 37 and 1/2 hours over four days at The Hole Making Shop next to The Big Repair Works."

"Oh yeah", (a degree of frost was noted....), "You on strike tomorrow then?"

"Er, no.... If we strike, we'll interrupt the supply of that which we extract....This could have fatal consequences....."

Mr Todd (not his real name) then goes off on one 'about public sector pensions, mollycoddled public sector employees, lazy bastards not knowing they're born' &c &c.

All the while, the scissors snipped and snapped about my barnet with a renewed vigour and alacrity which bordered on the scary.

I, (rather wisely, I felt, given the proximity of vulnerable lug-holes to flying scissor blades), exercised great restraint.

I did my very best, in the face of extreme provocation, to smile, nod and not attempt to interrupt the seemingly unending stream of utterly puerile Thatcherite drivel with any real-world common-sense-style comments.

I thus escaped the chair, unscathed and with ears intact.

I paid the man and left, vowing (privately) never to darken the nasty little fascist's door again.

As for my haircut?

Well, I think the expression "Close to the wood" rather sums it up.

Yes, Mr Todd, (not his real name), would seem, in his ire, to have got somewhat carried away.......

Oh well, I suppose it will grow back.........

BOGOF!!!!!!

I've always thought that the acronym of Buy One Get One Free sounded deliciously rude.

How often have I wanted to wish such a bargain on sundry maggot-danglers, dozy rowers or speeding plastic cruisers with two-foot high wakes.......?

However, this post does not in any way concern the likes of them.

Rather, it is about shoes.

Yes, shoes.......

My job at The Hole-Making Shop entails a good ten-hour stand every working day.

A good, comfortable pair of shoes are, therefore, a necessity.

I bought a pair at Marx and Engels in Cambridge about nine months ago.

Jolly good they were too (especially The Left one......), right up until the point when the soles cracked right through from side to side, failing so profoundly there was no hope of repair.

'Hmmmmm', thought I, 'they've gone west, I'll get a new pair'.

Some bloke-style shopping ensued.

(Establish need for goods. Travel to shops where goods are sold. Examine some in one shop. Reject on grounds of being just like the last lot and as likely to fail in service. Visit another shop. Try on good comfy shoes. Purchase same. Return home.)

Elapsed turnaround time c. 25 minutes.....

I wore these to a luncheon on Sunday and despite being new, it still felt like I had slippers on at the end of the day.

This prompted a return to Mr Clarke's High-Class Footwear Emporium on Monday, where a further pair were purchased. Despite being in the sale, and none being in stock at that branch, I was able to buy a pair in my size which were delivered to Pippin, post free, today.

Nice one Mr Clarke!

Messrs Marx and Engels had, however, not exactly covered themselves in glory, their Empire Made efforts having exhibited a marked lack of longevity.

It was left to my redoubtable mother to allow them the oppurtunity to redeem themselves.

Having given the expired pair a good shine-up, she returned them to the premises of M & S in order to seek a refund on my behalf.

No receipt.

No proof of purchase.

No chance?

Actually, yes......

Messrs Marx and Engels divied-up the full purchase price without demur!

As this was 45p less than the cost of the second pair of shoes from Mr Clarke's, I feel I can justly claim to have been on the receiving end of a BOGOF deal by proxy.

Nice one, St Michael!

Even nicer one, Sainted Mother!!

XX

Remembrance Sunday II

I have been thinking hard about this post: the relative wisdom of publishing it, the likehood of annoying or upsetting someone by doing so.....

All these things I have thought, and yet, well, here goes......

I have a faith. It is, broadly speaking, Christian.

If you've just tuned out, please tune back in again.

This blog is not an Evangelical Happy Clappy Holy Roller Forum.

Never was.

Never will be.

As I've said before, though it bears saying again, I respect all faith and faith in no faith.

Caveats aside, Christianity is what I believe in.

So what?

So, well, er.....

Okay. The thieving bastards who broke into my Mum and Dad's church......

If they choose to believe that Christ died for their sins and repent, ( Good grief, Christian nomenclature leaves almost everyone sounding like some loony TV evangelist.....) then they're forgiven.

I am glad that is true, for I too have a lot of stuff I regret doing.

Yet still, a small part of me relishes the memory of the fact that in Shakespeare's "Henry V", Poins and Bardolph were hanged for stealing from a church.......

It would seem I still have a long way to go..........