A trip to the podiatrist, perhaps?
Minor surgery on an in-growing nail?
Or perhaps the application of anti-fungal remedies?........
Nah.
Nothing so prosaic.
Or, indeed, unpleasant............
Nope.
The 'toe' of the title is just an attempt to out-do James and Amy in the 'Awful Titular Pun' Department.
(Though the gritting lorries will be out in Hell before I come up with something to better 'The Bollards of Reading Gaol'.....).
I have, of course, in fact, been towing.......
And towing A Big Thing, to boot........
But perhaps I should let the true protagonist of this epic take up the story......
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome back, after some absence, (easily explained, Your Honour....)....
Yes!
The lad 'imself, (cue drum roll........)
Boat-Man!
Gotham City, (aka Cambridge): Evening.
We find The Boat-Man alone aboard wb Pippin. He is wringing out socks and sorting boxer shorts into piles.
Both suits of Boat-Man spandex have been carefully hand-washed and are drip-drying into a bowl.
The Boat-Man himself is attired in a fetchingly scruffy towelling robe, long woollen socks, and wellies.
(Though that's probably too much information.....)
The Boat-Mobile is jacked up with the rear axle removed.
Chickens peck and cluck around pieces of dismantled differential......
The Mighty Pippin eschews her super-hero title in these circumstances, and is just plain old work-a-day wb Pippin.
(Well, you can't be a Super-Hero Boat when someone's hung the week's washing on a line from your wind turbine mast to the fore deck tee-stud, now can you?.......)
No-one would ever know...........
In short, both The Boat-Man and wb Pippin are having what is known as "A Day Off"............
The Buoy Wonder is, likewise, on leave of absence.
He and "Girl Who Must be Obeyed" have recently bought nearly seventy-two feet of vintage narrowboat,.......... which needs .......'a little fettling'........
The Boat-man is bored.
:-(
He puts down the washing, picks up his pint of Guinness (which, like Popeye's spinach, is the source of his Super-Hero strength), and slurps deeply.
A long, gratifying belch, (which only boys can really understand and can relate to), ensues........
He is contemplating "The Cambridge News" Junior Coffee-Time Easy-Clues crossword, when all domestic peace is shattered.
Shattered by the siren wail of......... The Boat-Phone.
(Look, I can't do sound-effects on Blogger.
Some say it's possible on Wordpress,......... but never mind.)
For now, you'll just have to imagine the sound that, for you, makes the short hairs stand up on the back of your neck, okay?
You're with me on this one?
Suitably excited?
Good.
The Boat-man picks up.........
Through the high pitched stammer of morse code that is the female voice in distress, he gleans from her owner that wb Marooned has cooked her engine just outside Ely.
A local numpty has been consulted and is quoting £1000+ to fix 'yer knackered 'ed gaskit, luv.....'
Blast!
Both sets of spandex at the cleaners........
Well, what to do?
Wisely, The Boat-Man rings The Engineer.
'Ah, Mark..... John here..... Remember how I got you involved in "The Dreaded Gentleman's" boat last year?
Well, if that interminable fiasco hasn't completely curdled the milk of human kindness in you, then there's another boat out there with a knackered engine that needs your help.....'
Surprisingly, the line didn't go dead.........
Indeed, The Saintly Engineer was more than prepared to assist.
"John, just get the boat to The Clayhithe 48's by tomorrow, 18:00 hrs, and I'll have a look."
Game on!
The Boat-Man has a mission!
So it was that the (by now) Mighty Pippin traversed Bottisham Lock at silly o'clock on Wednesday to do a spot of maiden rescuing.......
Almost dry spandex flapped in the breeze.........
'Pippin' on the right , 'Marooned' on the left.......
Sheesh!
That 'Marooned' is a big bugger!
Bigger than Pippin by six inches of beam and a foot or so of length.......
Still, the Mighty Pippin had the advantage over her larger consort by dint of the fact that she had an engine that actually worked................
But goodness me, was a 62' x 20' 6" 'boat' one heck of a handful in the wind that was blowing for England on the day of a politician's funeral..........
I will cut a long story short: By hook, crook, low cheating, and wb Pippin's superb Beta 50 engine, we made it to Clayhithe for our rendezvous with The Engineer.
Got to be worth another shot, as by this time, I was KNACKERED............
(Listen, pulling that blooming great aubergine boat through Bottisham Lock was an epic feat of super-hero-type behaviour, okay?)
Anyway, wb Marooned is safe at the 48's at Clayhithe.
Her owner, Sarah (of the frantic Morse messages), is a very happy bunny: The Engineer has pronounced the engine as sound, if a bit neglected..............
The 'knackered 'ed gaskit, luv' looks like a ruptured calorifier................
One up to The Sainted Engineer!
I am going for a lie down.................
:-)
I was that lady in-dis-dress and what fun we had! It was a truly epic adventure and one which I hope, eventually has a happy ending...I love your Blog! Thanks again for your help;) A Knight in a shiny weather proof jacket!!
ReplyDeleteBest (and warmest-well it would have to be in this weather!?)
Sarah
Glad to be of service!
DeleteIt was a laugh, though, wasn't it!
Kind regards, "The Dark Knight In Damp Spandex......."
:-)